Learn to Fly

Fireman Sam 2, Myrrien, 2008

After playing a racing game like Gran Turismo 5 I'm always drawn back to Grand Theft Auto for the freedom of the road. After finishing Le Mans I went back to messing about in GTAIV but became bored of going on rampages and aimlessly driving about (especially since it lacks the expansive countryside of San Andreas). I used to do the taxi missions for some mindless escapism in SA, but IV removed that gameplay mode so having completed the vigilante missions and quite enjoyed playing the police I was reminded of back in the days of Rainbow Six: Rogue Spear there was a total conversion mod (The Temporary Tango) that completely flipped the game on it's head. Rather than playing the titular antiterrorism military unit you became the terrorists whom you combat in the first half of the game. It was very weird to gun down the good guys in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and didn't get any less disconcerting through the other missions. I then wondered if someone had similarly flipped GTAIV around. Although no-one has made a true total conversion mod that presents Niko's story from the perspective of law enforcement (because that's quite an undertaking), there is a mod that uses the Rockstar Advanced Gaming Engine as a foundation for something like a police force simulator - LCPD First Response.

Twoism

I miss the peace of fishing like when I was a boy.

- Marko Ramius, The Hunt for Red October

Captain Ramius was an old submarine commander who had spent too many years at sea waging a pointless and inglorious pseudo war to maintain the balance of power. This has next to nothing in common with what I'm about to say. I miss the peace of delivery on a Saturday morning. It's now eight months since the Delivery Methods Revision and this week marks five years since I started the job.

Just the Two of Us

Crushed By The Wheels of Industry (Music Video), Heaven 17, 1982

Last December I hardly wrote anything because the crushing Christmas post meant that I was going to bed early to get up for work early to work till late. It's October and that's already the state of affairs. Only resourceful use of scheduled posts has kept me from being completely silent this month. How is it that one of the better months of the year is resulting in massive overtime payouts, uncompleted walks and undelivered packets? It's not Christmas, it's not snowing... it's "modernisation"!

Walk Out To Winter

Ecosse C285, Dave Hamster, 2009

See Christmas? Christmas is a bastard.
-Still Game, Cold Turkey (2005 Christmas Special)

It goes without saying that Christmas is an exceptional time of year at Royal Mail. It's fittingly the antipode of summer. Whereas the sunny season is so light that overtime claims are banned, December is a cash bonanza for those willing to take on as much work as possible - morning prep, doing parts of other walks, IVO, RLB, driving lorries, working your day off. If you need the money, so be it. I'm not interested in working myself to death so I only opt in for the early starts, mainly to deal with gone-aways and do the detective work required of the mal-addressed items that people continue to post every year.

Waking Up And Getting Up Has Never Been Easy

Postmen in the Snow, Rupert Brun, 2010

Throughout this productive year I've maintained the post-a-week pace of writing by planning out the following month in advance. Usually there's around ten drafts in varying levels of completion If I'm struggling to bring a scheduled draft up to standard I'll postpone it a month and bring forward a more complete one. December was to be no different, only accommodating a two week gap between the first week and the Christmas week for obvious employment reasons. Unfortunately I fell ill in the first week which scratched the first post and the past two weeks has seen the Royal Mail network buckling under the strain of the seasonal post and periodic blizzards. I've been waking up early, on the streets till late and going to bed early - rinse and repeat. As such, I've neither had the time nor energy to write.

Lineman for the County

Endorsing the Returns, Prij, 20/03/10

This week marks my third year working for Royal Mail and, coincidentally, another operational change has taken place. Even in this short time there have been noticeable changes, all of which are driven by the mantra 'mail-volumes-are-down-and-people-are-emailing-and-texting'. Roy Mayall has tackled these claims several times, so I needn't repeat his rebuttals.

When I started, weekday working hours were 0800 to 1300 with deliveries starting at 0930. In October 2007, despite union resistance, this shifted an hour back. The next initiative was 'summer lapsing' in June 2008. This involves dividing a duty amongst surrounding walks during the easy summer period. With the exception of Christmas, 'summer lapsing' now occurs Monday to Thursday using the 'starburst' delivery method. That knocked me off the walk I was on at the time (Hallmark Fount) exactly a year after starting. I didn't appreciate that present.

The Bitterest Pill

Royal Mail Success - This Letter Reached the Right Person, Neil Boyd, 2009

I've been working at Royal Mail for nearly three years now, but I've never really written about the job. I could swear like a sailor about management and the way RM is being intentionally driven into the ground, but I really like the job and wouldn't want to risk it over a bunch of rants - hard to believe this is from the man who wrote this at school and deliberately got suspended twice.

Actually, when I say I like the job what I mean is my walk, and the reason I'm writing this is because I've been moved off that delivery after 21 months and today was my last day on it. If I sound bitter it's not only because of my reputed early finishes (during the summer! Was I the only one who had a lull during the summer?), but because I had actually got to know a lot of people in the area. I greet the same faces each morning, residents say hi to me in the streets, one lady gives me an apple and a mars bar every Saturday, I see Mrs ABC nearly everyday for her sign-for packets, and so on. In fact, so long was I on that walk that I became less focused on finishing as early as possible and began to chat with Granny Smith.

Blue Light

The Gloaming (Awful Paintbrush Splice), Prij, 2007

I'm using my favourite little gadget to write this. The Padre uncovered it in an office spring-cleaning at IBM. It's a 1999 Palm III branded as an IBM WorkPad - very basic compared to any new PDA. Unfortunately I'm without the data cable and the PC doesn't have an IR sensor (which I was sure it it did). The WorkPad will be replacing the tonne of paper notes that are strewn throughout my room. It's also how I'll be writing whilst in Cyprus next week, and any time I'm away from the computer from now-on. Although I'm a little apprehensive about relying on AAAs and only a minute of backup power. Might turn out to be easier and less stressful to just use paper.

Take Five

Abstract Composition, Edward Wadsworth, 1915

I've taken some time out from writing. I have the time and the material, but have been unable to write. The same trouble I had at the start of November. There are 20 or so posts stretching from last week to August which lie incomplete. I've put aside B-17: The Mighty 8th, and made a concentrated effort to write. So far, I've only rewrote the sentences above this.

Three things have occupied my time through January: the £100 worth of DVDs I bought on Amazon, visiting the job centre every second Tuesday, and going to job interviews.

Some Are Workers, Some Are Not

Container Terminal (Cropped), Prij, 12/10/06

Aside from the many unfinished drafts I haven't finished, I was planning to get back into writing this month. To cut a long story short, in the words of Tony Hadley; I had to get a j*b. That was what I was going to write about on Tuesday, but put it off for a day. The roller-coaster is detailed herein:

On the Friday 8th I had to go to the Amazon.co.uk warehouse and apply for a temp job running through December. I think I overdressed for that. Having been accepted, I started on the 10th at 0600 (to 1400) - we were assured newbs are never normally trained on the that shift. We were assigned roles after a presentation, based on our performances in the 5 tests on the previous Friday. I was an 'RF Picker' - we carry handheld scanners, go round the floor collecting requested items, putting them on the library carts and returning them to Collate where the order slips are handed-out. It's considered better than packing, since you get to move around.

Career Opportunities

What a horrible time to require sustenance. I can't talk my way into another year of college, plus I've come to my sense and realised it's just glorified school, so the future is a bleak spell of "employment" for me. It's a sad day when I consider my options, when in the past I would have stuck The Clash on in the common room and ignored the fascists. Time, you fucking bastard. The times have changed, as have the circumstances. If I want to hang about anywhere, I have to pay to get in. The closest thing to the common room is the college library - especially, and ironically, the silent section.