According to the education department, none of what you are about to see... ever happened...
ˍMOIRITAˍ
Starring:
Moira as Rektor Eva McColl
Prij as Che
John McIndöe as Juan Perm-ón
Mr McDougall as Andrea Corr as Perm-ón's Mistress
Stewart Dent as Class of 2011 Battle Royale Winner
Alan Menzies as Obersturmbannlehrer ab Historie
Starring:
Moira as Rektor Eva McColl
Prij as Che
John McIndöe as Juan Perm-ón
Mr McDougall as Andrea Corr as Perm-ón's Mistress
Stewart Dent as Class of 2011 Battle Royale Winner
Alan Menzies as Obersturmbannlehrer ab Historie
June 24th 2011
In the Waterfront Cinema the latest movie freezes and the lights come up. The manager enters and speaks to the audience:
"It is my sad duty to inform you that Eva McColl, principal of the school, entered unemployment at 3PM this afternoon."
The crowd erupts in distraught commotion. Amidst this circus our focus falls on straight-faced Che. Oh what a circus...
[CHE:]
Oh what a circus! Oh what a show!
The Academy has gone to town
Over the unemployment of a teacher named Eva McColl
We've all gone crazy
Droning all day and droning all night
Falling over ourselves to get all of the after-party Pringles
Oh what an exit! That's how to go!
When they're knocking your school down
Demand to keep it open like Eva McColl
It's quite a mushroom cloud
And good for the housing market in a roundabout way
We've made the front page of the local newspaper today
But who is this Jefe Moirita?
Why all this howling hysterical sorrow?
What dominatrix has lived among us?
How will we pass exams without her?
She had her moments - she had some style
The best Red Nose Day was a crowd
Inside the Assembly Hall crying, "Eva McColl!"
But that's all gone now
As soon as the smoke from the demolition clears
We're all going to remember how she stayed in her office for years!
You let down your people Moirita
We were supposed to have topped the league table
That's all the PTA wanted
Not much to ask for
But in the end you could not deliver
Sing you fools! But you got it wrong
Enjoy your yearbook because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
The masonry is falling off too
'Come as you please' days kept us all supine
Since 17 December 1999
But it was never really as we pleased, the gimmick wore thin
That's a pretty lame stunt for a school to engage in
Instead of free period we had assembly
Instead of turning up she was absentee
Instead of a common room we were thrown in the canteen
She didn't say much but it was at home in a latrine
Sing you fools! But you got it wrong
Enjoy your yearbook because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
Clydeview is waiting for you
Oh what a circus! Oh what a show!
The Academy has gone to town
Over the unemployment of a teacher named Eva McColl
We've all gone crazy
Droning all day and droning all night
Falling over ourselves to get all of the after-party Pringles
Oh what an exit! That's how to go!
When they're knocking your school down
Demand to keep it open like Eva McColl
It's quite a mushroom cloud
And good for the housing market in a roundabout way
We've made the front page of the local newspaper today
But who is this Jefe Moirita?
Why all this howling hysterical sorrow?
What dominatrix has lived among us?
How will we pass exams without her?
She had her moments - she had some style
The best Red Nose Day was a crowd
Inside the Assembly Hall crying, "Eva McColl!"
But that's all gone now
As soon as the smoke from the demolition clears
We're all going to remember how she stayed in her office for years!
You let down your people Moirita
We were supposed to have topped the league table
That's all the PTA wanted
Not much to ask for
But in the end you could not deliver
Sing you fools! But you got it wrong
Enjoy your yearbook because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
The masonry is falling off too
'Come as you please' days kept us all supine
Since 17 December 1999
But it was never really as we pleased, the gimmick wore thin
That's a pretty lame stunt for a school to engage in
Instead of free period we had assembly
Instead of turning up she was absentee
Instead of a common room we were thrown in the canteen
She didn't say much but it was at home in a latrine
Sing you fools! But you got it wrong
Enjoy your yearbook because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
Clydeview is waiting for you
January 2000
We now flashback eleven years ago. A young energetic Eva McColl in Helensburgh learns of a position available across the water in Inverclyde. In the labyrinthine halls of the education department the candidates are in their best suits, seated awaiting their big chance. Amongst the candidates is the previous rector, Mr McDougall, desperately hoping the board will let him stay on. Eva dazzles the panel with her audition and immediately gets the job:
"I wanna be a part of G.A. / Greenock Academy, Green Apple!" [Ref. songsheet #6]
Shooed out of the building, the despondent candidates shuffle off. Destitute, McDougall forlornly looks for answers as the victorious Eva goose-steps by.
[MCDOUGALL:]
Call in three months time and you'll be fine, they say
Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive on my severance pay
I won't recall the names and faces of each straight F pupil
But that's no consolation here and now
Call in three months time and you'll be fine, they say
Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive on my severance pay
I won't recall the names and faces of each straight F pupil
But that's no consolation here and now
[MCDOUGALL:] So what happens now?
[MCCOLL:] Another briefcase in another hall
[MCDOUGALL:] So what happens now?
[MCCOLL:] Take your photo off another wall
[MCDOUGALL:] Where is the brew?
[MCCOLL:] You'll get by, you always have before
[MCDOUGALL:] Where is the dole queue?
[MCCOLL:] Another briefcase in another hall
[MCDOUGALL:] So what happens now?
[MCCOLL:] Take your photo off another wall
[MCDOUGALL:] Where is the brew?
[MCCOLL:] You'll get by, you always have before
[MCDOUGALL:] Where is the dole queue?
[MCCOLL:] Don't ask anymore
Spring 2000
With McDougall deposed, a power struggle erupts intent on deposing the caretaker principal, Mr Innes. Colonel Perm-ón begins his campaign for the Rector's office, but behind him Eva McColl has her own designs on that office (maybe rearrange the furniture, put a few plants on the windowsill).
[CHE:]
In March of Zero-Zero there was a faculty coup
Behind it was a gang that hadn't a clue
Who did not feel the need to be respected
They had themselves a party at the point of a detention slip
They were as forward thinking as Gavrillo Princip
A church service or two and very few attended
The lady's got potential, she was ready to deport
Anyone reading the HMI report
The greatest censor since Julius Caesar
OK, she couldn't teach but she had the right friends
And we all know a career depends
On being a sly briber to be Kaiser
Now the man behind the Headie calling the shots
Involved so discreetly in a lot of their plots
Was Colonel Juan Perm-ón, the would-be rector
He began teaching chemistry in the CIA so
Saw Sodium Pentothal's development from the front row
I reckon he'll go Demon Headmaster on us sooner or later
But suddenly an earthquake hit the site of the Welly, kapow, die
They shuffle and fall, bye bye
They were propped up against the wall
But one guy had the gall
The tragicomedy, a golden chance for Perm-ón
He organized a battle of the bands with the usual flair
In aid of all the victims, such a bland affair
A Thousand Trees covers of every flavour
It was Monday afternoon sixth period English
A class to remember, yeah, you wish
For that's the day that Perm-ón first met Eva
In March of Zero-Zero there was a faculty coup
Behind it was a gang that hadn't a clue
Who did not feel the need to be respected
They had themselves a party at the point of a detention slip
They were as forward thinking as Gavrillo Princip
A church service or two and very few attended
The lady's got potential, she was ready to deport
Anyone reading the HMI report
The greatest censor since Julius Caesar
OK, she couldn't teach but she had the right friends
And we all know a career depends
On being a sly briber to be Kaiser
Now the man behind the Headie calling the shots
Involved so discreetly in a lot of their plots
Was Colonel Juan Perm-ón, the would-be rector
He began teaching chemistry in the CIA so
Saw Sodium Pentothal's development from the front row
I reckon he'll go Demon Headmaster on us sooner or later
But suddenly an earthquake hit the site of the Welly, kapow, die
They shuffle and fall, bye bye
They were propped up against the wall
But one guy had the gall
The tragicomedy, a golden chance for Perm-ón
He organized a battle of the bands with the usual flair
In aid of all the victims, such a bland affair
A Thousand Trees covers of every flavour
It was Monday afternoon sixth period English
A class to remember, yeah, you wish
For that's the day that Perm-ón first met Eva
(The new Moira administration begins)...
[843 ; +20]
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